I would do anything, part II

  • Published
  • By Capt. S.J. Brown
  • 934 AW Public Affairs
Editor's note: This is a three-part series on what some people (including the author, a 40-something-year-old Air Force captain with a bit of a body issue problem) will do to lose weight and inches in an attempt to get the perfect body without doing the obvious - eating less, exercising more.

I'm not your typical Gen X'er in that I actually give an advertisement about 30 seconds to capture my attention. So, when I saw the advertisement for the second part of this series, I read it the entire way through.

Unlike the body detoxifying wraps I tried last month, the micro-current body sculpting -- let's call it MCBS for short -- doesn't involve creams, cling wrap or body exfoliating. It doesn't require me to smell delightful spices or relax either. Oh no, this treatment involves work.

Doing my part ...
I never expected losing weight and inches to be easy. I remember telling people when I first started this experiment that I was more than willing to do my part. I had vowed to exercise at least three times a week, eat a fairly decent, healthy diet - how much healthier can you get than being a vegetarian I ask you - and not smoke or drink excessively. I eat organically or local when possible and take a multi-vitamin. How hard can it be?

Then I stepped into the "sculpting salon" and found out how hard it is to delete those extra 20 pounds to get back to my ideal weight of 135. While, the salon itself was beautiful, the contraption that was to be hooked up to my backside was a bit scary.

The advertisement that led me to the MCBS stated that five treatments were suggested for the best results. So, I signed up for five treatments on the same areas as my detoxifying body wraps -- my thighs and lower hips. I show up for the first appointment as directed with a happy face, a cup of coffee and an optimistic attitude.

Call me crazy but in my ninth grade science class, I learned that water and electricity should be avoided at all cost or else something very unhappy will happen. And yet, that is exactly what this procedure looks like. I lie down with my thighs and hips exposed and allow a very amiable, very beautiful (this 50-something year old woman actually uses this procedure herself and looks awesome) sculpting tech to apply wet sponges to my hind quarters. These sponges house little squares of metal which are "plugged in" to a big machine which doles out the micro-currents.

At first, the sponge sites feel tingly and the process actually tickles. Unfortunately, that sensation wears off quickly as the technician turns up the juice. You know that little shock you feel when you plug in a hair dryer or other appliance and get a jolt? Yes, it kind of felt like that. But then it's "shocking" three seconds with a four second pause. My MCBS tech tells me this on-off procedure is the best way to optimize the effects.

Needless to say, this was not what I planned on from a treatment program that has been around since the early 1900s. Its initial intent was to detect electric frequencies in living tissue and help repair it. The machine that I was hooked up to emits micro, nano and pico technologies and re-energizes the cells and tissues.

About as fun as a root canal
Zap-stop-zap-stop-zap-stop, for 45 minutes! I endured it with a smile on my face, but was really not looking forward to my next four zappings. With every appointment, I got more competitive. Yes, there were times where the intensity of the micro-current contractions got so uncomfortable it practically hurt but I started making a game of it. If I got to level 37 at the last appointment, I was determined to make it to level 38 or higher on the next appointment.

Even as uncomfortable as the MCBS was, I liked that the machine did all the work for me and, unlike the body detoxifying wraps, I didn't have to abolish all caffeine, alcohol, wheat, fats, sugars, etc. In other words, this treatment made me feel like I have a life and I'm not counting every calorie.

Benefits out "weigh" the sacrifices
The benefits listed in the advertisement include: improved muscle tone, reduces fine lines and wrinkles, improved circulation, lymphatic drainage and skin exfoliation. I'm not sure all of that happened to me but I did lose one inch off my waist, one inch off my hips and two inches off each thigh. Plus, I dropped about four pounds in the process.

Now, I can't 100 percent guarantee that it was the MCBS treatments that helped my run time on my annual physical fitness test improve but I do think that it might have had a some impact on my strength. In August, before the treatments, I was running a 10-minute mile. When I tested in October, I ran the 1.5 mile portion of the test in approximately 13 minutes, 30 seconds. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.

In the next installment, the author will undergo cold laser treatments in her quest to have the perfect body with the least amount of effort possible.

Zap at a glance
Giving a whole new meaning to the term, "thunder thighs"
Total inches lost: 6
Retail cost: $550 for a package of five MCBS treatments
Time involved: Five MCBS treatments of 45 minutes each and travel. 9 hours, 45 minutes.
Comfort level: Very uncomfortable
Pros: A work out without getting sweaty.
Cons: Some levels of intensity are somewhat painful, start out on a low level and work your way up.
Did it work as advertised? Yes
Cost per inch: $91