Coming Home

  • Published
  • By Col. Mark Vijums
  • 934th Airlift Wing vice commander
Minneapolis-St. Paul --  In 2004, I deployed to Kuwait leaving my wife with a 3-year-old and 6-month-old twins. You can imagine the difficulties my wife had to face not only caring for the infants, but maintaining the household while I was off flying combat missions into Iraq and Afghanistan. "Stressful" is a weak adjective used to describe the situation. Somehow through the tremendous support of our families, friends and neighbors, my wife made it through and I returned safely. Having endured what we thought was the toughest part, we soon realized after the honeymoon, the reintegration was far more challenging. Flat out, the reintegration wasn't smooth, however, we learned a lot from the experience and survived. 

Once again, I just recently returned from a six month deployment to Germany. The deployment didn't harbor the same wartime threats of flying in a combat environment, but it did separate me from my family for a long time. Having been through this before, our family learned from our past experiences to do as much as we can beforehand, but to concentrate our efforts on the toughest part of any deployment, the reintegration. 

Understand that during the reintegration, things have changed. This seems pretty obvious, but many deployers have not considered this and expect things to be pretty much the same as they left them. In fact, some things have permanently changed and the member needs to understand and accept the changes. 

One of the biggest changes noticed may be in your spouse at home. Forced to become more independent, your spouse assumed roles and responsibilities that could not have been left unattended. The tendency to jump right back into the way things "were" done should be avoided. After my first deployment, I felt as if I wasn't needed as much as before. That's normal. My wife was taking care of everything, she was a whirlwind. It takes time for that whirlwind to wind down. Sit down with your spouse and discuss how you can help and ease into things. 

The other major change you may notice is in your kids. Wholly dependent on their age, the reactions are just as widely varied. My oldest, who was 8 years old, was angry with me for leaving this last time. Talk about a heartbreaker. She had a really difficult time understanding why I would leave them despite numerous discussions about my job and going to help other people. The twins, who were 5 years old, weren't as affected by the departure, but missed all the routine things I used to do with them. After six months, they grew accustomed to Dad not being around and adapted. Because of this I knew to expect that they may feel uncomfortable or confused with me being around. Once again that's normal. I found one-on-one time with each child individually does wonders to rekindle the special relationships you have with each one. 

Finally, it is in my personal interest to see that everyone who has returned from a deployment, (over 500 in the 934th AW this year), succeeds in reintegrating. To do that, we have numerous support functions in place aside from your family and friends who may not understand. Always available, we have Chaplains and the Airman and Family Readiness Center with numerous programs in place specifically designed for deployers who have returned. But most importantly, I want each and every individual in this wing to understand that our most reliable resource is right here, each other. 

Have a great Thanksgiving!